MY PERSONAL BACKSTORY
Over the last 5 years I have been on quite a journey.
I am not the same person now, not even close actually!
I had a motorbike accident, which lead to my first surgery and my first 'dark night of the Soul' as I finally sat with myself in recovery, unable to distract myself with work, I met myself in a very dark place.
My life came crashing down all around me, I couldn't hold it together any longer, I had a total breakdown.
I had taken on too much, said yes to things when I meant no, and my nervous system was in a constant state of anxiety, except for when I was smoking cannabis, which became an addiction.
I was struggling to function, I realised that my mental health was in need of attention.
I was exposed to many aspects of my life that needed to change and I needed support.
Depressed, anxious and having panic attacks almost every day, I had no choice but to embark on a journey to heal myself and make some major changes in my life.
The journey has taken me into realms of bliss and chasms of chaos that I could have never imagined possible.
And I still come out the other side, stronger, every single time.
In all of this chaos, I didn't realise it at the time but ego was being torn apart.
Life was force feeding me humble pie until I vomited, and then feeding me more, teaching me some hard lessons, showing me where I need to change my ways, my beliefs and who I think I am.
Rinse, repeat cycle.
I was lost out at sea, no one around me seemed to understand what I was going through, and if they did they weren't able to help me because I was also isolating myself.
The storms kept coming, and so I had to learn to sail.
Truth is, the storms do keep coming, that's part of life, once you get good at sailing, it becomes another opportunity to hone your skills and surrender to the winds of life! (cheesy, but true)
These cycles of transformation are ongoing and so we learn to dance in the rain and make beautiful art from a broken heart. I really learnt what it means to make art, not just ego attention seeking art, but real art from a deeper place, I also learned to appreciate artists more as I realised that their expressions are part of their healing journey, and that's what makes them so beautiful.
I've come to learn that with each cracking open, we become more of who we truly are, liberated from the ego's illusions of self, the darkness has its teachings.
Life doesn't change you, it reveals you.
I now look back at that chapter of chaos with Love, I know and trust that it all had to unfold in the exact way it did, there's nothing we can do about the part other than forgive ourselves and share the lessons with others, yeah I actually would advise doing things differently to how I did it, that's why I'm coaching now.
There's a certain type of peace that comes from being in love with your past, rather than in resentment.
In my experience, not many people have the capacity to understand what it really means to go through a spiritual awakening and healing journey. By spiritual awakening all I mean is realising that you are not your ego, and asking the question 'who I am?' which I believe is the most crucial aspect of this path.
Yes, Life happens, and suddenly we can find ourselves alone, even if people are close by you aren't on the same wavelength anymore, you're asking big questions now which are met with 'you've lost it mate' trust me... I know this one well. You are not alone in asking big questions, and you're not losing it.
It can be incredibly lonely to wake up. It's painful, which is why many people wait only until they are suffering enough to change, like me! I had to get to the point of romanticising suicide and daily panic attacks before my stubborn ego mind finally admitted...
'I have no f**king clue who I am or what I'm doing and I'm scared for my life. I'm DONE. If there is some kind of higher power, I NEED YOU NOW. I need you now.'
Not many people come to a point in their lives where they genuinely can't go on without some answers to some very big questions like; Who am I? and What is the meaning of my life? Why all this pain, suffering and confusion?
I had everything I'd been taught to want and more, and I felt totally empty, I didn't feel close to anyone around me and I was blaming and shaming myself for it all. This is what I call hell.
The Souls who choose this path know deep down that they are here for more than this material life, and will inevitably discover a certain state of peace that helps it all make sense.
This inner peace comes from knowing ourselves, loving ourselves, forgiving ourselves, healing ourselves with the help of others who have done the same, discovering your unique gifts and bringing them forth to share with the world.
In my experience this path leads to deeper connection with Self and others, more meaning, more love, more peace, more beauty, less conflict, as well as the ever present joy of swimming deep in the mystery of life.
As you can imagine, I was ready to make some serious changes.
You may have witnessed some of them as I shared my journey online, much to the dismay of many followers who were not ready at all to ask the kind questions I was presenting to them!
My whole body was screaming at me to let go of all that was meaningless.
I had a motorbike accident which was the catalyst for all of this change.
I ended my 6 year relationship.
I went deep into depression.
I stopped working, exercising, sleeping, eating properly.
I pushed everyone away because I was convinced that I was doing everyone a favour because I was 'toxic'.
I get addicted to short term pleasure; weed, sugar, porn, my phone, netflix, tobacco.
I had no idea what was coming next.
I wanted nothing more than to rest and experience peace, I was obsessed with discovering the meaning of my suffering, the purpose of my existence, I needed answers otherwise it was going to be game over.
Little did I know that I was actually only just stepping into the main arena... The pain I had been moving through was a kind of initiation for the next level of my life, I hadn't even BEGUN to play the main game yet!!
Needless to say, I have learnt a lot on this path so far and I continue to dive deeper in to my own cycles of transformation, self mastery, healing and spiritual growth, some things just don't have a destination so it has to become about the journey.
Now, in 2022 I am in many ways transformed, from the inside out.
My nervous system, including my mind, is now predominantly peaceful and calm.
As my inner world has transformed, so has my outer world.
I've had to go into my own mind, to illuminate that which was hidden, to get to the root of the subconscious stories playing out in my life, I had to really get to know parts of myself that I felt weren't worthy of love.
I began to notice the more healthy patterns emerging, not only in my romantic relationships but also my friendships, my relationship to myself, to Nature and reality in it's vast wholeness.
All suffering comes from resistance, usually resistance to change.
As a highly sensitive empath I've also had to really focus on developing my own 'sense of self' from the inside out, to get to know who I really am, not only through other people but from the inside.
To learn about energy and the power of the mind has been incredibly life changing for me.
Emotions are energy in motion. By getting to know myself I learned how to create boundaries so that I have my own experiences of life without other people's energy/opinions/demands having control over me.
I'm also a lot less concerned with what other people think of me!
Total game changer for my inner peace.
This path has been most powerful for me in getting to know who I am, what my values are, what my heart truly desires and how I can participate in my life with more purpose.
Part of the reason people choose this path is because they realise modern life is essentially devoid of meaning.
It gets exhausting to have to pretend all this superficial stuff is meaningful.
Once we've had enough, we give ourselves permission to search for more.
And we find it's been there all along, right under our noses!
This search brought me to the realisation that 'meaningful' is a perspective and my perspective was being shaped by beliefs that weren't always true and we've even mind!.
The search more meaning takes us inwards.
Perhaps as you read this you are resonating with what I'm sharing, perhaps you are moving through huge shifts and transitions in your own transformational journey. Awesome, I am so f**king excitied for you!
I know, from my own experience that this path of healing, awakening, inner work and True Self-discovery can be overwhelming, confusing and often isolating. All of this chaos is inviting us back to our centre.
The one lesson I do wish I had learned sooner, was to ask for support.
I could've really benefitted from asking for help earlier on my journey.
Honestly, I do wish I wasn't so stubborn and had called in support sooner.
My life, my higher-self and my heart have guided me here, to offer support in this way.
And I'm experiencing a level of peace and contentment like never before, I love this work.
Trust that everything is unfolding in perfection.
You are not alone in your journey.
I coach people to help them with the following and more;
- Personal transformation.
- Finding direction, purpose and meaning.
- Navigating your awakening.
- Healing journey guidance.
- Masculine Evolution (for men)
- Emotional intelligence and inner alchemy.
- Quantum leaping onto optimal timelines.
If you feel called you can book a 1:1 connection call on Zoom by filling out the form below.
I would love to hear your story and share any insights that I've gained on my path that could create clarity and direction in effectively navigating your remarkable journey.
Fill our the form below for more information about my offerings and I'll get back to you ASAP.
Please give a short description about why you feel called to work with me and what you believe I can support you with.
Peace and harmony